From Curiosity to Commitment

What began as a single run soon became a rhythm. At first, I thought trail running would remain a novelty — something to do occasionally, a break from routine. But the trail has a way of calling you back. Each climb, each descent, each stretch of dirt seemed to whisper: come again, there is more to learn. Curiosity turned into commitment, and commitment became discipline.

Fitter, Faster, Stronger

With every trail I became fitter and faster. My lungs grew steadier, my legs stronger, and my confidence deeper. One morning, I found myself at Klapperkop in Pretoria — the same place where Sean had once asked me to be his boyfriend. That hilltop held memories of love, laughter, and beginnings. On that day, it became the place where I won not only my first medal, but my first gold medal. Klapperkop became sacred ground: a reminder that effort and love can share the same soil.

Competing With Myself

Since then, I have pushed myself and competed — not against others, but against the version of myself from yesterday. I chased faster times, longer distances, harder climbs. I was told I am too hard on myself, and I know it’s true: I would get upset when I failed to beat my previous time. Yet the trail kept teaching me balance. With training and focus, I learned that I could outdo myself, but I also learned that being harsh with myself was not healthy. Progress is not punishment; it is patience.

A Turning Point in Health

For a long time, I carried another weight: a misdiagnosis of Essential Tremor. After seeking a second opinion, I was correctly diagnosed with a Functional Tremor. The right medication changed everything. The constant migraines that had haunted me for twelve months lifted. My right arm stopped shaking, my legs no longer jerked me awake, and for the first time in a year I could sleep through the night and wake refreshed. Migraines became something of the past. Within three months of this breakthrough, I joined the gym and began training with a personal trainer — a new chapter of strength and renewal.

When the Tremor Returned

But within eleven months, the tremor returned. Not as severe as before, but enough to make me feel weak and negative. Soon it spread from my right arm and legs to my left arm as well. My diagnosis shifted again — from Functional Tremor to FND: Functional Neurological Disorder. For those unfamiliar, FND is a condition where the nervous system misfires, creating symptoms that feel frighteningly real. Writing became difficult, lifting weights was a struggle, fatigue struck without warning, and brain fog stole words mid-sentence. Worst of all were the paralysis episodes: waking up unable to move from the waist down, sometimes for minutes, sometimes for hours. I lived in fear of my own body.

Every morning I lit a candle and prayed to Buddha for strength — strength to fight the disorder, strength to continue my fitness journey. Then came the collapse: an hour after a race, paralysis set in for nearly five hours. Sean carried me to the car. I felt useless, emotional, and depressed. After everything I had overcome, why this? Why now?

Finding a Way Forward

I changed my personal trainer to a biokineticist, Brad. After careful examination, he built a daily exercise plan tailored to my condition. Slowly, things began to look positive. Within weeks, I competed in my first ever Solo Male Hyrox, finishing in 1 hour and 45 minutes (including a 10-minute bathroom break). I was proud, though fearful throughout: When will the tremors strike? When will paralysis return? But I finished without incident. Hyrox lit a fire in me — proof that trail running and fitness were not just hobbies, but gateways to possibilities I never imagined.

Brad’s words stayed with me: “The doctor will manage your medication for now. My job is to get you off it when the time comes. We will achieve this with exercise and a training schedule.” Over the months, paralysis faded, tremors eased, and I learned to listen to my body — to rest when needed, to stop fighting myself when progress was slow.

Gratitude and Calling

Now, at 37, I am a full-time worker, a father to my amazing 11-year-old daughter Kimberley, and married to the love of my life, Sean — my greatest supporter and companion through every climb and every setback. Life means more than eat, work, sleep. I am grateful for nature, my family, my pets, my home, my car, food on the table — the simple things so easily taken for granted.

And I ask myself: did everything I endured shed new light on my life? Did it reveal my calling? Perhaps it did. Perhaps my calling is to become a personal trainer — to help others find strength, resilience, and freedom in the same way the trail and the gym helped me.

“Strength is not found in the absence of struggle, but in the choice to rise each time life asks you to fall.”

Part III Releasing Thursday, 29 July 2026

To learn more about Functional Neurological Disorder (FND), its symptoms, and ways to manage it, visit:

National Institute of Neurological Disorders and Stroke – Functional Neurologic Disorder (ninds.nih.gov in Bing) or MedlinePlus – Functional Neurological Disorder (medlineplus.gov in Bing)

Subscribe, like and comment

Fuel the Miles, Fuel the Stories 🌲

If you enjoy the stories, reflections, and adventures I share here, you can now support my work directly!

Any donations or tips go straight into my Running Fund. This fund helps me:

• Hit the trails: Covering race entries and travel to new, beautiful running routes.
• Gear up: Keeping me equipped with the right gear to safely tackle the miles.
• Write more: Directly supporting the time it takes to turn these gathered memories into new stories for the blog.

Thank you for reading, and thank you for helping me keep the momentum going—both on the trails and on the page!